Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
