yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
