I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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