We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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