She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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