As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
