Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
