May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
