when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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