Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
