What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
