Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
