Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
