Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
