My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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