i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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