I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
