Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well you can't waste a boner
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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