im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
