I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
