It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
