Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
