Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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