That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
