Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
