oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
