You made me cry and you don't even care
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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