I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
