So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
