I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
