He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
