I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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