I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
