flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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