Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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