she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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