This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
