thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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