Already got asked if we're dating
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
