How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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