i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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