You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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