Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
