He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
