I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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