I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
