Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
