cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
