I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
