I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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