During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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