Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
