do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
