my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
