Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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