"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
